After returning home, I hop on the Internet to talk to my friend Rose Ellen Auerbach. On top of being a fantastic human being, she is the only person I know who has not only been on "Win Ben Stein's Money," but has also won Ben Stein's Money. All $5000 of it, on the episode she appeared on. She's been telling me that I shouldn't worry, that I would make the show.

I toy with the notion of driving out again, but this time, there's more of a problem. I'm working at a nightclub in Dallas, and the earliest I could leave is Sunday morning. The taping is Tuesday morning. It took me 26 hours to get there last time, and I need some down time to collect my wits if I'm gonna beat the master of monotone. Nope... this time I've gotta fly.

Have you ever tried to get a flight at short notice? One where flying standby isn't an option? It's truly ridiculous. Add to that the fact that there's not going to be a Saturday stayover (and who the fudge came up with that ridiculous rule?!?), and with only one exception the fares I was quoted ranged from $1600 - $1800 roundtrip.

That exception was United Airlines. United, one of the best, most wonderful, well-staffed, smoothest airlines in the sky. United, who without prompting and pleading for mercy, quoted me a fare of $700 roundtrip. Yes, still quite high, but the best I was going to find. I jumped on it.

Then, there was the lodging situation. One thing I neglected to mention was the date of my taping: Tuesday, March 27. The day after the world focuses on Hollywood with laser-beam intensity... the Academy Awards. No way in hell would I get a hotel room without pimping myself out to George Michael.

Rose steps up to bat again and suggests I stay with her again. However, things have changed a bit since January. Her roommates have since bailed out on her, her cushy network job disappeared, and she's living with her parents while she figures out what to do with her life. The last thing I wanna do is impose on her, not only for the room, but also the transportation -- without my car, I'm at the mercy of public transportation or cabs.

Rose checks with her parents, and they would love to have me. She warns me, however, that her parents could drive me crazy. I tut-tut the notion. The plans are set.