So, I'm trying to come up with a worthy column for Skip's normal space. At first, to tie it with my Mardi Gras schtuff, I was going to lament the lack of Hindu women in New Orleans. Most of the breasts I saw were Caucasian and African-American, with a few Eurasian boobies thrown in for good measure. However, if any Indian women did whip out their funbags, they'd likely be set on fire by their husbands as soon as the car pulled back into the driveway. That put the kibosh on that.

Then, there's my 'Lil Red Shoes, marching off to camp this week in miserable Port Charlotte, Florida. If Doug Melvin was truly in the park with Gord Ash with Estayban Lowrider and Johnnie Barefoot Johnson to get the greatness of Roger Clemens in the confines of the Temple, then he'll be starring in "The Phantom Menace" this summer, subbing for Yoda. Last time I checked, Loaiza wasn't a Cy Young contender, nor had he come close to pitching a perfect game. So, who's the ace? BEst ask Layst.

It's not their fault, though. They tried to keep Todd Stottlemyre in town, but that queen bitch of a wife didn't like it here. Lessee how she likes Arizona, where something exciting happens approximately once every 42 days, or when Rob Halford decides to lead a Gay Pride parade through town, which ever comes first.

Oh, and since Skip usually has some prediction in this column, I'll predict: Mavericks will finish the season without notching double-digits in wins. Yeah, I'm going out on a limb. Sue me.