Slobberknocking while wondering whatever happened to Rick Springfield: Let the edict be passed down throughout the land. There will be no professional basketball played in America this year. And, truth be told, I could care less. I'll confess, I've only had a passing interest in the NBA, or in basketball in general. My interest was always held by baseball and football, and in the last six years, hockey. The order changes from time to time, but roundball has never been in the top three. It's just never seemed to appeal to my Common Man interests, which is truly ironic (pay attention, Alanis, and put some clothes on). Basketball is the easiest sport to play while you're growing up next to soccer -- just takes a ball and a hoop hung on the garage door. You can't start a pickup game of baseball or hockey without a dozen people and the proper playing surface. That said, you can't go to an NBA game without selling one of your organs off to medical research or owing several favors to Mad Pete Trillo. The Common Man, who's kids are emulating Mike, Grant, or Shaq, would have to plunk down a chunk of change comparable to the gross national product of Paraguay to take his family of four to a game without renting an oxygen tank. A far cry from the days of the ABA, when owners of the rebel franchises were begging people to come to the games. You've heard the sides to the argument -- the owners want to put a stop to ridiculous contracts, the players want their due piece of the revenue coming in. And I don't give a damn who's right or not. So, why am I taking this stance against basketball when my beloved game, the Great Game of Base-Ball (you have to say it like James Earl Jones in "Field of Dreams" to get it right) went through similar turmoil in 1994? Maybe because I can go to a game between the Rangers and the Yankees and get great scalper seats behind home plate for $50 dollars 30 minutes prior to gametime. A comparable ticket for a game between the Little Mavericks and the Chicago Bulls wouldrun me $250. It's not just the players' pockets who are getting fat -- even Moe the Cornerboy is banking. Screw that. I think it was the Great Greggo (maybe, maybe not... I'll find out later) who said, "Y'know, the scary thing is that as of now, the Canadian Basketball Association is the best professional basketball being played this year." More power to 'em. Oh... one more advantage to the lockout: Ahmad Rashad looks even more foolish during that insipid 'Inside Stuff' show with no basketball to talk about. During the lockout, I equate 'Inside Stuff' to a fishing show still running after all the lakes in the world have dried up and the fish are just flopping on the shores. Just like the NBA. -- Devin Pike