Scattershooting while wondering whoever won the Balls To The Wall contest: We've now come to the point where the word Lewinsky is a verb. At the last GNO, P1 Emeritus Carlos was handing out cigars from a nice pine box, (which is more proof that cigars will kill ya). I casually asked him if any of them had been Lewinskied. "I mean, I've heard that Cuban cigars had special flavoring, but..." After pouring over the Starr report, I find this interesting little section that Monica performed analingus on El Jefe. Does this mean she was brown-nosing the President? Does it confirm that she's a cheeky gal? Or does it merely mean she got shit-faced one too many times? I love the computer press, the contingent of übergeeks who cover all of the goings-on in the information age. Twelve months ago, it was all, "Apple has big problems on their hands, since no one's buying their computers. They're going to have to sell off their stock and announce bankruptcy." Now that the iMac is a huge hit, the schpiel is, "Apple has big problems on their hands, now that they can't make iMacs fast enough to handle demand." Schmucks. At a recent Monday Night Bingo out at the Copper Tank, there's this guy in a Red Wings jersey trying to nouth off on how the Wings will three-peat this season. I turn to Smokin' Joe Lopez and spout, "Aw, hell. It doesn't matter. Scotty Bowman's heart will explode before the All-Star Break and the Wings will cruise rudderless into the abyss." Now, why is that such a bad thing? You knew it would happen -- Trey Parker and Matt Stone are making a South Park movie. Preliminary plans are to shoot the whole movie using the same material they made the pilot with... construction paper cutouts. I can't wait. I only hope that the fervor doesn't die down, and SP:TM isn't met with the same ennui that Baseketball was greeted by this summer. One more blow from the Starr file: Some nimrod at an internet hosting company sent out notices advertising his service. How would he get people to actually read the spam? Place a couple of lurid Starr Report details at the top of each piece of junk mail! Yeah... I want to host my site at an ISP that encourages spam! Idiots. --Devin Pike