Slobberknocking while wondering whatever happened to Tim Kazurinsky: Last Thursday night, a moderate-sized throng of P-1s braved the nasty Texas December rains to converge at Friday's Front Row in Arlington for Hardliners.Com 's first social function. By everyone's estimation, the event was a surprising success. And, even though the Spare Roundtable proved to be exactly that, I did learn something. As I made the rounds saying 'hi' to everyone I knew, people introduced themselves who knew me from my modest column. There was Psycho the Clown, not to be confused with Psycho Dave. There was Lord Byron, who sacrificed a night to be our version of Expo, running the PA levels during the Roundtable. Each person who I met introduced themselves as "Hi, I'm so-and-so, but you probably know me by my nickname of..." It's not just a matter of a new vocabulary, chronicled first and best by our very own Mighty Joe Lopez (no Dick allowed). No, it's a whole new way of life. In that moment of clarity (not helped by the marvels of Shiner Bock), I realized that All I Needed To Know In Life, I Learned From The Hardline. Never let your presentation become boring or tiresome. Package. Minimize. Distance. There are things in the universe you must extol the greatness of at all times. Those things include, but are not limited to, Jimmy, Expo, David Allen Coe, and the Angel Reebok. Respect the seven-second delay. If your drawers don’t have a fly, then they’re panties. You haven't lived until you've had a whore. If you wear a Devil suit around in public, you will not get good service. Handle up on your business. Don't write checks with your ego that your teeth can't cash. Embrace your ethnic heritage. It's perfectly acceptable to put a plate up to your face and lick it. Adhere to the edicts set before you, and you can go wherever you like. The phrase 'you know' is the most versatile in all of the English language, especially in the world of athletics. Security workers at Lambeau Field have no sense of humor. Generation X and the 'The Man' are constantly at odds. While 'The Man' constantly claims to support the efforts of Gen-X to better themselves, Gen-X will always maintain 'The Man is keeping him down. Golf is not a sport. Always make informed decisions about spending your discretionary income. A kidney stones is not something to be scoffed at. Radio consultants hate it if you divulge the tools of their trade. Nothing good ever happens after 2:00 am. Never pass up an opportunity to make a 'shout out.' Disclosure is much better, and less painful, when it’s voluntary. If a country artist is wearing a black hat, tight black t-shirt, and black jeans in his promotional photo, he probably has nothing good to offer. Whenever possible, try not to far too fall behind. Stay Hard. -- Devin Pike