Slobberknocking while wondering whatever happened to Jason Robards: First, before we get started, a little dictionary primer: "Gen-X": /jehn- eChs/ slang : generation of Americans born between 1960 -1980 "Retard": /'rE-"tärd/ often offensive : a retarded person; also : a person held to resemble a retarded person in behavior Just had to get that out of my system. Not to start the argument about whether golf is a sport or not (Doug Sanders is much more qualified for that than I am), but if you go to a sports bar to watch a golf tournament, you're a complete idiot. If you request that the volume for the golf tournament be turned up (as a few did last Sunday at Friday's Front Row during the Masters), then you're an imbecile. There's no sound in golf. There's damned near silence in the TV presentation of golf. It's as pointless as progress reports on Central Expressway expansion. There's now 30 days until "Star Wars: Episode One - The Phantom Menace" premieres. People are already lining up outside the UA Galaxy 9. I won't be one of them -- I can't. My three jobs won't allow the time it will take to hang out at the theatre the two weeks it will take for me to ensure that I'm in the building when John Williams' fanfare plays for the first time on May 19. While some may say that this is a sign that I'm growing out of my youthful foolishness, I think it's a little bit of a sad commentary when the passions of your youth have to take a back seat to the grind of everyday life. Wayne Gretzky has played his last game of professional hockey. While he did not make the umpteen millions in endorsement deals that Michael Jordan raked in, Gretzky did more to advance the NHL into the American mainstream than any one player possibly could. Gretzky holds 18 different NHL records, the majority of which will never be broken. He's won the Hart Memorial Trophy for the league's MVP nine times. His retirement won't draw nearly the attention that Jordan's did, and it's a grave injustice. This week's Blayst Layst statistic: 0. That's how many games Mark McLemore sat out when he completely lost track of how many outs were in the fourth inning of the April 13 game against Seattle. With one out, the Doctor of Dufus made a force out on second base, then started to trot towards the dugout... when there was only two outs in the inning, and a double play could have ended the inning. With a team that's struggling early in the season, what manager wouldn't have made sure that error went unnoticed? Layst, that's who. Finally, there's been a lot of speculation on who will take over the Noon - 3 pm slot at the Little Ticket. After hearing just about every combination of possible hosts over the last month, I have to say that it's time for Mark Elfenbein to get a regular slot. Elf has been doing sports talk in this market part-time for nine years (first at KERA with Bottle Rocket emeritus Steve Shapiro). He's got the skills, the know-how, and the energy to make middays work. Granted, he will go over-emphatic on you, but he's the best fit in that slot. Make your voice known. --Devin Pike