Slobberknocking while wondering whatever happened to Sid & Marty Krofft: Quick thoughts on the Items of the Day... All this year, critics of the Dallas Stars have said, "Sure, they look good in the regular season. The playoffs are all that matter." After the Red Wings shut out the Stars 3-0 Sunday, all of the sports writers and idiot callers on Sportsfan overnight could focus on is "How can Dallas hope to advance in the playoffs when they can't beat the Red Wings in the regular season?" Captain Redundant, meet Major Hypocrisy. To the guy who calls in on Screenless asking Corby to return their bong, I only have this to say -- why haven't you built another one by now? Any resourceful stoner will tell you that you're only as commited as the last bong you've made. Juan? Honey? Tell you what. We'll move the fences in left field when Rhyner stops hating me. I fully support our troops in Kosovo, but the conflict our troops are looking to end has been burning for centuries. Air strikes won't get the job done, unless you're looking to nuke the entire area. That alone will stop the Serbs from hating the Croats. I am fighting the urge to join the "Blayst Layst!" campaign, but my resolve is weakening. D/FW International Airport has the best-looking female bartenders in the country, as far as airport bartenders go. The remainder of the country's bustling points of transit are staffed by women who would make Ray Charles cringe in terror when being served a Bloody Mary. To the P1 who acknowleged my column at Friday's Front Row during the Mets exhibition game -- someone threw away your name, so I can't give you a shout-out. E-mail, buddy. Bill Jones, though a truly nice guy, has got to be one of the least energetic play-by-play baseball commentators working today. Gods, I miss Mark Holtz. Will the Ticket ever call a Winning Ticket number OUTSIDE of Section 17? Finally, the P1 Roundtable held a gathering recently to watch the Stars take on the Tampa Bay Lightning at Reunion. Shouts-Out to Dedicated P1s Ali 'Freckles' Libman, Tim 'The Goon' Bergman, and Mike the Truck Driver, who proved that issuing a Failed Group Outing Warning won't always kill a night of good hockey. -- Devin Pike