This is a wholly unauthorized compilation of copyrighted material, and is intended for promotional use only. All songs are the property of their respective artists. No unauthorized duplication is permitted, and violations will be enforced by Vincent, an out-of-work forklift driver from Red Bank, New Jersey.

Don’t give the RIAA a reason to arrest your junkie ass — buy your music online instead of stealing it, you goombahs. iTunes.com is a good place to start.

Based on the latest competitive information at the time of printing.

A nipple will not kill you, but repression of expression just might.

Offer not valid in Texas, Puerto Rico, or anywhere else where the laws need to be changed.

The color Pink is a registered trademark of Owens Corning. No, seriously!

Consumption of too many Freebirds burriots may result in gastro-intestinal distress — ease up on the habanero sauce.

When someone calls you “uncultured and weak,” always consider the source.

What happens in Vegas may not always stay in Vegas. Be safe, fly low, and avoid the radar.