This is a wholly unauthorized compilation of copyrighted material, and is intended for promotional use only. All songs are the property of their respective artists. No unauthorized duplication is permitted, and violations will be enforced by a Jewish cowboy named Bucky Goldstein.

Don’t give the RIAA a reason to arrest your junkie ass — buy your music online instead of stealing it, you goombahs. iTunes.com is a good place to start.

Drink irresponsibly.

There is no such thing as a safe cigarette.

There were no Weapons of Mass Destruction, but there are Politicians of Mass Destruction.

Side effects may include, but are not limited to, cottonmouth, headache, diarrhea, irritable bowel syndrome, rosacia, tachycardia, anaphylactic reactions, and hallucinations — basically, every single thing you think is bad.

Word of the Day: Gumption \GUMP-shun\ noun 1 chiefly dialect: common sense, horse sense *2 : enterprise, initiative.

Do not let Jessica Simpson breed. Please.

You must be 18 years or older to flash the camera.

I voted for Judge Softy.

Subject to blackout.

Be safe, fly low, and avoid the radar.